In which we look at some experiences in my daily commute over the past few months. I'd say highlights but we all know were far from that!
The Return of the Space Invaders
I hadn't seen some of these for a while, so I thought this species had returned to their home planet. No, they must just have been on a mission, but sadly have now returned to take up their previous occupation,
Both of these were taken on trains where people were standing, of course. Invader no 1 made decision that he couldn't possibly only take up one seat, he needed two. Another guy tried to sit down beside him, and Invader looked at him indignantly and didn't move his leg or bags. Sitting guy gave him a look but Invader ignored him and went back to his phone, and sitting guy was forced into sitting sideways on edge of chair. I was so tempted to switch seats and make him move, but it was a homeward journey and I didn't have the energy for the argument. But I'm keeping an eye out for you, Invader no 1 - the day of our encounter will come. Prepare yourself!
Meanwhile Invader 2 only sat on one seat, but on the outside with his bag on inside seat. The table was clear, so he could easily have placed his bag there, but keeping his bag safe wasn't his goal, it was to prevent anyone sitting beside him. A woman did walk up, look over, saw his face like fizz and decided against trying to get him to move the bag. So on a peaktime journey in rush hour into town, with several people crushed standing in the gap behind my seat and lots more at the doorway, Invader 2 enjoyed a luxurious journey. To top it off, he then tutted when he had to wait in a queue to get out the train door onto the platform. Silly me, forgetting Space Invaders are a superior species who have no obligation to follow our human rules!!
Selfish Smokers
There is a sign before you enter the grounds of our train station that says smoking is not permitted on area of the station at all, including open platforms. There is another sign on the station shelter, though it's much smaller than I think it should be to ensure everyone sees it.
Yet, routinely, every morning, there is a guy who stands smoking very close to the shelter, or in the shelter doorway if it's raining (so you get to battle the rain and the reek). There is another guy who stands in the other corner behind the shelter and chain smokes two of the stinkiest cigarettes ever, and then gets straight onto the train with that oh so pungent fragrance of Eau de Fag.
But this Selfish Smoker is the worst.
Every morning, she lights up as soon as she is on station property and then walks down the platform, holding the cigarette out facing towards all of us standing on the platform.A lovely invigorating scent to wake us all up in the morning, further supported by her flicking her ash without looking or caring where it's going. This has on at least one occasion landed on me. She's also usually carrying on a very loud conversation on her mobile. Maybe I shouldn't call this one Selfish because she is all about sharing - sharing her conversation (with complimentary swearing and ned accent), sharing the Eau de Fag and the burning ash. You can imagine how delightful this is of a morning.
Those are the most recent winners of the 'You Have Got to be Kidding Me' awards, but highly commended mentions go to:
- woman (old enough to know better watching) Love Island on catch up on her mobile, without headphones or earbuds, and when asked to turn it off or use earphones, said nothing, and then when asked a second time, said, 'right, it's almost finished'. Did I retort, "As will you be, if you don't switch the volume off or put in earbuds right now"? You tell me!
- the hi-vis-wearing guy with the eccentric culinary taste - Prawn Cocktail crisps scrunched on top of a scrambled egg in a roll. He obviously felt everyone looked hungry that morning as he decided to share not only via the subtle scent of egg and prawn, but also with the crumbs flying from his open mouth as he crunched.
Oh it's been a wonderful few months in train life - this is why I just love commuting. That reminds me, I must start playing the lottery....
No comments
Post a Comment